It has been more than 3 days since Eid, and that frustration is still here.. when i frust, i feel upset, i feel useless, i feel stupid too sometimes. I got frustrated when my mum said i never treat my husband well like other wife does to her husband. I know, I should accept any feedback in a positive way. But am only a human being, easily get frustrated with any negative feedback. no matter how hard i tried to be optimist.
It is me, if I feel bad, i tried to let everything out by telling my good friend. Hoping that the bad feeling will fade away.. just like that..Well at the same time, while sharing my situation with others, i might get some different views/opinion/analysis that i might be overlooked.
Tapi tulah… the way how ummi put , the way how ummi say it, it hurts me, a lot.. when i say a lot, i really mean it.. huhuhu..
I almost cry .. huhu.. but because it was Eid , so i just put that feeling aside.
Today, after few deliberations, based on respect, based on love, i decided to take the blame. yeah, may be it could be my fault.. it could be that i really dont treat my husband well.. it could be that the way i talk, the way i do things , hurt people around me.. especially my husband.. may be that was what ummi wanted to tell me..
Yeah, may be kan? may be i salah… mungkin umi cakap tu betul..OK! i will keep trying to do my best. Change what i need to change. Be a better person, mother, wife and dotter even sister.
But, if … if .. if. Seriously, IF only any of my family member read this blog, i wanted to tell you my dear sister/brother/ or husband.. please.. trust and believe me, that i have done the best i can.. and will always do my best …InsyaAllah
“oh Allah , forgive me, forgive my husband, forgive my late FIL, my MIL, my ummi, my Baba.. Guide me to be a better person in YOUR eyes.”
P/S: To my LUCY, please dont go away too far, because i still need you in certain circumstances …huhu…