Forgive me ..

Uish lama benar tak update ni…terbaek lah…hehe..busy tau..busy cuti, busy buat keje, busy sakit dan busy segalanya. hehehe..Alhamdulillah, masih belum lupa beberapa perkara sebelum beberapa perkara datang, Sihat sebelum sakit, lapang (waktu/masa) sebelum busy, muda sebelum tua, kaya sebelum miskin… heheh..

Just merely an update. Alhamdulillah today, in office, i managed to “correct” my database for my global islamic banking..ekekek…Thanks to my brother who realised how irrelevant my numbers were..hihi..ish ish Wiaam, nasib baik Kak long tak perasan ekkeek… Today, i also had lunch with my sister Maisyara who is working nearby KLCC. We had SUSHI!! woott woot…yeah , it was the pregnant lady who requested for SUSHI, but unfortunately those yang tak pregnant ni yg order more than a pregnant lady..kekek..it was a very good lunch though..

I got back about 545 p.m. tadi. Not bad, my brother went back earlier , so i went back with Abang tadi. Sister Wafa went back earlier too.. tak nak la buat dia tunggu, ikutkan nak minta dia tunggu gak tp maluu…hihi shy shy cat keskes.. When we got out from office, sempat lagi Abang usha the girl next door…ekekek.. Gatal! hihihi.. but its ok, i am so used to help my other brothers usha the girls hahahah….teeettt..

Alhamdulillah i’m recovering from flu, insyaAllah 2-3 hari lagi baik..hehe… Since last few days/weeks, i always have this thot of going earlier than my parents or whoever around me. I dunno why. I can feel how tired my body is. my body is really really old.I’m tired emotionally mentally physically is the most ..huhu… this reminds me to do what exactly our Prophet did, He (pbuh) prayed, when others slept. Yes, Qiyam. i easily get touched whenever i make doa, whenever i sujud whenever i am in my prayer. Malu betul dengan dosa dosa lama. Serba salah betul rasanya pada Umi baba for not being a good dotter, Malu betul pada Daaddy for unable to be a good mother to his kids. Malu jugak to sisters and brothers for not be able to be a good sister to them.

Kalau kenangkan dosa lama masa muda, banyak tak trkata, malu nak sebut, malu nak mengadap Allah.. Malu sebab lemahnya iman, i feel soo ashame for having a very weak iman..Allahuakbar… Namun aku bersyukur for being able to get back to His straight path. but i still have doubt if i am far enough from His hell. am i close enough to His heaven. Can i even smell the good smell from His paradise. Semakin hari semakin rindu pada Kasih Nya, rindu betul pada Kekasih Nya (pbuh). Sometimes, i only cried. i cannot make doa at all.. all feelings in one bag..

It is not easy to be a career mother. Mother who works during the day, and works during the night. It is not easy.. but if i keep on saying it is not easy things will be hard for me. and i only demotivate myself. but i am an ordinary woman, so i would find it very frustrating if i make mistake along the way. it is so painful when i hurt somebody’s elses’feeling without me realising it, due to my super tiredness. BUt this is the life i chose, this is the life that has been written in the Luh Mahfuz for me, this is what we called qada’and qadar.

To those who read this, please forgive me for anything i have done to u directly or indirectly. Please tell others who do not know about this blog that i ask for their forgiveness. I might use a very high tone when i speak to u, i might use harsh words when i communicate with you. I might convey a wrong gesture when i talk to y ou. I am sorry. Please forgive me brothers and sisters.

Sometimes i am just too tired. which make my mood swing 360 degrees in just a second..huhuhu…Please forgive me. and FYI, you all readers, are forgiven. You guys have done nothing wrong at all to me, because i believe you guys are decent people. i can confirm that insyaAllah.

Daddy, please forgive mummy. I have done the best i can. If am gone, please take care our kids and educate them with Islam. They are the only mal (property) i have for my akhirah. Am ok to get tired to make u look good, to make ur tummy full, to make you happy to put smile on your face to prepare drink when u are thirsty. Nothing else i ask from you, educate our kids with Islam.

Umi Baba, please forgive kakak. I have done the best i can as a dotter. but if i make u sad, forgive me. it was my fault. i love you as u taught me who is Allah. Who is my Rasul, What is my religion. and i hope i can be your property forever in dunya wal akhirah..

to my brothers and sisters , be it biological sisters, in laws, or my brothers/sisters in Islam.. forgive me. forgive me if i use wrong word when i talk to you.. i always forget things, and im sorry for being so forgetful. I n ever ever become so forgetful when i was young, but i realise am so forgetful lately that i have to make this blog to remind me what had happened. Nobody realises this symptom i have unless you are very very close to me. you are all forgiven insyaAllah, i had forgotten what you guys had done to me. it is good if it was bad, and it is not good if it is good kan? itula lemahnya saya. pelupa orangnya.

till then, please forgive me. am tired. i tdo dulu. Salam semua..

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