Finally i have got time to revisit my blog. Well to be honest am updating my blog thru my smartphone. Hihi see how desperate i am to just let things out of my chest. It has been there since ive got back from Umrah which was a month ago. Why only now i update my blog?
Good question darling…. Hihi to be honest, too many things happened and it happened too fast and too quick for me to cope. But so far so good Alhamdulillah.
Ok lets start with my Umrah. Alhamdulillah all went well. I learnt a lot while i was there. Started with daddy got stranded for almost 5 hours in the airport and me and kids slept in the van for that long. Because it was toooooo long kids started to get cranky especially ‘Auf. Allahuakbar it was really a test. Mmg mcm easy to hear but for u to be in the situation after got stranded for no good reason then u got tired and kids cranky, hungry, sleepy, thirsty, clueless for being in a new place …. Pfftt i dunno how sabar we have to be unless you’ve been there and experience them then u know what is my level of sbr hihihi. My heart my lips my tongue never stop istighfar zikr and salawat asking for helps from Habib. Of cos at last we managed to get to our hotel and that was after we lost our hotel room that we booked earlier hahaha alhamdulillah ada lagi hotel kosong in Jeddah.
The next day we do Umrah. From Jeddah to Mecca it takes one hour drive, depending on the driver skills and traffic of cos. the kids have not yet recover from the tiredness. So of cos easily get cranky hehehe. At this very moment, i really want to share how hard i was trying to balance my overwhelm for being with kids in Haram and my very own mix feelings to see Baitu al Haram. The feeling was tooo much. Handling kids physically mentally and handling my emotions to see Kaabah and do my best for my very first Umrah at the same time?? Allahuakbar susssaaaaahhhhh sgt rasa nak meletup je my chest ni. I saw the city of Mecca and we do talbiah and that very moment ‘Auf was crying hard hard hard in the van…. Allahuakbar
Then we arrived Masjidil Haram…. I cudnt describe my feelings masa tu. Aula poo poo,’Auf was crying hard and Aalaa’ very clingy hahaha nobody nobody can offer help when the kids refuse to be held by anyone other than mummy daddy. Allahuakbar and we are in ihram with wudhu’ and toilet is far. Haha omg seriously and we are still far to gget into the masjeed. Khalas to make it short it took us almost an hour to get into the masjeed and start our Umrah. Huhuhuhu oh i dont have much space here to tell u the whole journey. Huhuhu the first test in Masjidil Haram was how to be sbr as a parent. Since we got down from the van we walked into the Masjeed for Zuhr ‘Auf seems not to stop crying at all! Yes ! He crieddddss all the way even during the Zuhr prayer. While we looking for a place that suitable for all of us, Allah sent us a guy to show us way. The guy was very decent showed us the place so we can handle the kids properly. The guy even helped us to find wheelchair for the kids. Still ‘auf cried out loud. To the extent that we both have no idea what to do with ‘Auf. When the jamaah in masjeed started to pray Zuhr, i told daddy ” its ok we pray first, let him cry. We tawakkal” during the prayer while listening to our kids crying , nothing else we can do but we also crying in our prayers. After salam i pat daddy’s back and said ” HE is testing us, kita mesti sabar, that boy will do solat for us when we die, he will do kafan for us he will pray for us .” Daddy was just nodding. Right after that ‘Auf stopped crying. Suddenly asked for susu. He wanted some sweets Alhamdulillah we had some in our bag. Right after that we managed to get free wheelchair.
Next test is to get into tawaf place. At this moment i was soooo sbr to see Kaabah. Because we were at the second floor we cudnt see the kaabah unless we go near to tawaf place and look down. As i said it took us almost an hour. It was hot . Really hot. It was soo crowded shoulder to shoulder chest to chest wheel chair to wheel chair huhuhuhuhuhu but alhamdulillah the kids were ok. They were so quiet not cranky at all. Alhamdulillah the tawaf is sooo easy. Was hot but everytime i said ” oh Allah, its really hot, make it easy for us” right after that cold winds blew right on our faces. Allahuakbar. Betul Islam itu nikmat yang paling besar! Allah dekat sangat dengan kita. One step we closer to Him thousands steps He comes closer to us. Dear readers, asked anything from Him, seriously He will answer you as He wishes. As i promised, i give my foots and my eyes to be in the Masjidil Haram. May Allah forgive me for all my sins. Ameen.
I managed to do solat sunat tawaf while holding Aula. Alhamdulillah. Finished Tawaf we re heading to safa hill for sa’ie. At the exit of tawaf area we saw ma’ul zam zam ( zam zam water) allahuakbar sedapnya air zam zam tu. We drink as much as we can. Even Aula pon suka minum. ‘Auf started to get better. Aalaa’ too. Half way of first sa’ie because i was carrying Aula during tawaf i can feel my body cudnt take it dah, huhu so i asked if daddy can push 4 of us on the wheelchair. Oh yes daddy is a strong man! He pushed all of us while daddy pushed i make doa. While daddy pushed i tell the history of sa’ie to the kids. Beautiful journey alhamdulillah we stopped when Aula needs to change nappy and some milk. And of cos when daddy needs some rest. Right before ‘Asr we do tahallul! Alhamdulillah! We did our ‘Asr prayer at Marwah hill. Alhmdulillah
Did i mention Baba is with us? Yes Baba was with us however during Umrah we got separated. Clearly Allah wants us to learn to be a good parents on our own, Alhamdulillah.
Right before Maghrib we met Baba at a restaurant. Alhamdulillah but surprisingly Baba cried he was sooo worried about us. I got touched to see that but i told baba that he has to relax as i brought him to relax and enjoy our time together.
Alhamdulillah on the third day we managed to move hotel from Jeddah to Mecca. I cudnt make so many Umrah due to some limitations. While daddy did second umrah i did my qiyam in the room. the best qiyam ive ever had even its in the room but i did in Haram. Alhamdulillah. Next we went to Madinah. Very beautiful place. No wonder our Prophet loves Madinah and stayed there. I managed to do Subh prayer with kids almost everyday. Alhamdulillah.
To conclude, the whole experience was sooo beautiful. Having baba and husband and kids for my first journey to Haram is the most beautiful moments. I love daddy to get His love. I went through the painful journey in the labour room to find His love. And to be in Haram is like me reunite with all loves i have found and present it to the ultimate love and asking my Habib to strengthen every loves i have which can put me close to my Habib. Beautiful Alhamdulillah….
To my readers, bros and sisters, i never forget all of u. From the moment i met u guys from the moment i say salam to u, i put our frenship for His sake. I never differentiate anyone of u. I want u to know, that i feel blessed for knowing each one of u, for having you in my life. Even if we separate even we stay apart even we didnt see each that often and only see each other once in a year, i want you guys to know u guys always close to my heart and ur faces are always in my mind everytime i make doa. May Allah bless our love our brotherhood and sisterhood. May Allah bless alll of you whereever u are.
Forgive me if i said something that might hurt your feeling. Forgive me if it hurts u when i only manage to see u once in a while. But trust me only Allah knows how much i miss and love all of u lillahitaala. And how hard i have to deal with my feeling when i miss u guys.
Till then i see you insyaAllah.