I have been thinking a lot lately. … hoping for His Guidance to lead me to the right path. i know my Habib never let me down. i just have to be Sabr.. very Sabr.. As much as some of you are shocked by what i have done recently, i just have no words for you to describe my positions, my conditions and situation. I have no intention to reveal to anyone of you. Now let what had happened be and lies between the 4 walls , between me and him and HIM…
if i dont wanna share , why do i have to write an entry here? Because .. i just wanna say that i love all of you for the sake of Allah.. All of you.. yes YOU..YOU both especially..
I never lie so far..i still remember my promise that i am ur sister..fiddunya wal akhirah… I did that because i love both of you.. i allowed things to happen because i love all of you.. and i did that because i want to see you both in Jannah..
I write this entry after i read your entries..yes you both…i respected whatever u have said.. you have right to say anything, to judge anything, to think and analyse anything you want..but remember , you both are not well informed.. never speculate and never conclude things that u have less information.
On that VERY FINE DAY.. i was asked…”Who i want to see in Jannah?” … My answer was and will always be EVERYBODY..who i know fiddunya..but my lips was locked to say EVERYBODY out loud… because that question just led me to other questions, which are- ” How can i be in Jannah? How can i secure myself to be in Jannah to see all of you there?”
He is not wrong.. he knew what he is doing, he has no bad intention, but he has responsibility to protect his rights… he is doing what he needs to do and what he has to do… trust me he has no bad intention at all… in this case only my judgement is right ..and i hope u guys trust my judgement and leave them to Allah..
At this point, i just realised i need to secure myself to be in Jannah, in order to see you guys there… i believe with all my heart, all of you are good people and Jannah is waiting for you.. while, i have a lot more to do to secure my place there.. i have a very limited time.. and Alhamdulillah Allah guided me … Allah is with me all this while.. and yes everything had happened has a very very very good reason behind it, and trust me it happened right on time.. and yes, it hurt .. it is painful.. but one used to say that this dunya is a prison to those who have faith in Allah. what had happened has limit me to see people, has forced me to drop my passion in my own field of Islamic Finance, forced me to hurt those who i used to deal with. But I TRUST ALLAH.. HE is telling me something , HE is guiding me to His Jannah..and i could not ignore this.. and cudnt hurt him more..as he is my door to Jannah.. what is he doing is never against the Shariah…
This is really painful, when i know some of you might see this as me cutting tie of our muslim relationship.. it feels like a knife just cut my heart to read those words.. those words from those who as if only knew me for a day.. Allahuakbar…. i forgive all of you , as u are not well informed..i never blame you but only myself for being so ignorant which led to what had happened.. Am sorry, forgive me… i was reading your entry hoping at the end of it , there is an indication that u re trying to understand the situation i am facing, but unfortunately, u wrote those words when ur emotions was unstable….sigh… am still holding tight to my words… i will see you in jannah and my prayers will be with you both and family, InsyaAllah…
To my istinky sister..25 March 2014, i read your entry..i knew something had happened.. few weeks after that, my brother told me everything.. since then , my heart can never be at ease. never.. i was thinking hard how to solve the problem.. i prayed hard and seek for His Guidance.. I was so guilty for making you feel so bad when i never have any bad intention at all…Honestly, i never know what to do.i had nobody to turn to but Allah.. Alhamdulillah on the very FINE day i “deleted you” Allah gives me solutions..everything happened right on time sister.. and now.. u will never have any entry like u had on 25 March anymore… we never know whose prayers that Allah has answered… but HE HAS SOLVED the problem indeed.. what u felt on that day , is what he felt on the day i “deleted you” … Nothing else i can say but ALHAMDULILLAH, that Allah has just showed me the path to His Jannah.. and meet everybody … ALLAH has reminded me..that someone deserves my attention and he is now keeping me to himself …. Am sorry for being so rude.. am sorry for being so ignorant, am sorry i have to drop you now in order to be able to see you in Jannah, insyaAllah. I have my own way to deal with the situation..and it is never the same with how u guys dealt with the similar situation..
Finally, please accept my apology .. and thank you for everything… i never regret to know both of you as Allah never send both of you to me aimlessly…please never say i “delete you” from my life.. when i only “froze” you temporarily.. as i wanna have you both forever as my siblings in Hereafter, insyaAllah..
Who remember Allah while standing or sitting or [lying] on their sides and give thought to the creation of the heavens and the earth, [saying], “Our Lord, You did not create this aimlessly; exalted are You [above such a thing]; then protect us from the punishment of the Fire [ Ali-Imran: 191]
till then i see you..