Ask HIM.. only HIM

I have been through many things at once. Things happened drastically, too fast for me to cope. Things happened when I least expected. This is a great TEST for me .. it tests my perseverance in holding my principles in life.

Last night I managed to talk to my NAD. NAD is facing such a great turbulence .. which affect NAD’s life greatly. The turbulence comes from every angle of life, ranging from family, personal relationships, mom, dad, siblings, children, works, and colleagues. I believe it is not easy for NAD at this time. I feel bad for not being able to help NAD that much. Only with few kind words to keep NAD’s spirit intact.. to keep NAD in positive state in facing any test in life. Looking at NAD’s situation, I could not share my problem like I always do.. I need alternative.. I have to pour this bad feeling I have so I will forget about it.

When a person who is close to my heart having such great tests, and challenges in life, trust me, it affects me greatly. It tires me. It sucks out most of my energy when my mind only focus on the problem. This is not good for my health , emotionally, physically, mentally .. surely this is not good for a person who is close to my heart too.. right?

Since last nite I was thinking how can I help them … I was thinking how can help myself too. One problem comes after another. Test comes after another. TIRING… GIVING UP… IRRITATING! But is this the right way for me to face the challeng? If I feel this way when am at the weakest point of my life, then what more the person who are in deep “hole”. Allahurabbi…

Yes am at the weakest point of my life. Not only affected by NAD, but also affected by my own biological brother who accused me for something that I didn’t do. He is being irrational, childish and selfish. I got hurt deeply by his words… but he is my brother.. I could not reply or defends myself through words as that definitely will hurt him and I don’t wanna hurt him. The best to do now is SILENT. My silent is not a ticket for him to say that I agree to his accusation, but I believe, the truth will be seen ..then the words he threw on my face will finally goes back to him. Then only all of us will  learn the lesson.

Sad, frustrated ,hurt.. that’s the word .. but as a mother, a sister, a daughter a wife, I could not show this in front of my family. WHAT I CAN DO IS TO ASK HIM (ALLAH TAALA) FOR HELP AND GUIDANCE.

Oh Allah , only YOU who knows what is going on with me what is my state of spirit and soul I am at right now. Hence, strengthen me with your love. Guide me in taking any action to rectify things. Indeed, am the weakest slave of Yours. I have done many mistakes and sins. Forgive me oh Allah. Accept my Tawbah oh Allah.. only to You I submit myself to. Show me the way out, oh Allah. and show the way out for my Brother and NAD.  Ameen.

Till then, InsyaAllah.


Perasaan Itu

Aku takut dengan perasaan itu,

Perasaan itu mengubah aku sehingga aku sendiri tak dapat mengenali diri sendiri,

Perasaan itu membuatkan aku jadi penat, 

Perasaan itu melemahkan jiwa dan raga aku, 

Sungguh aku perlukan bantuan pernafasan,

Sungguh aku ingin membuang perasaan ini jauh jauh

Sungguh aku sudah tidak sanggup menyakiti diri sendiri

Dan sungguh perasaan itu adalah ujian terbesar buat diri aku yg lemah 

Dan aku harus bersangka baik padaNya

Aku perlu mencari hikmah di sebalik perasaan itu
Till then, insyaAllah …  


Good Things Come to Those Who Wait

Today is my sis’s last day. I am so grateful to have her at a time when I need a real sister .. the best buddy ..the best accompany… Allah took my brother from me forever in this dunya, and He sent me a very sweet, cheerful, happy-go-lucky, thoughtful, caring and brilliant sister!… Alhamdulillah.. Allahuakbar.. Indeed, His plan is the best for everyone of us.

On the first day I met my sister, she was applying scholarships for her study. Yeap She is pursuing study .. somewhere in London.. Masa tu she was frustrated not getting any ….. but for me, it is about time.. I told her.. nnt mesti akan dapat.. one of the scholarhips … Cuma tak tau yg mana satu…

… waiting is not an easy work to do .. Waiting comes with pain… that pain requires Sabr (patience).. Perseverance is very important for the Sabr to be rewarded.

But if let say , things turned out not as we expected, we should not be sad. If let say the waiting is just tooooo long for us to wait.. do not give up, but be REDHA , accept the fact that u just have to wait … and tawakal to Allah Taalaa (leave it totally to none but Allah Taalaa) and husnu zon to Allah Taala (perceive good things)  insyaAllah, right after that, u will see the lights at the other end of tunnels, but to be redha, to come to that state requires sincerity in ur heart, yaqeen that Allah Taalaa is with you in every minute and second.

I still remember, my sister came to me and said “ Kak wi, I don’t wanna expect anything anymore.. the waiting is just too painful. I might not be getting any offers… it is painful Kak wi. But its ok.. sy redha.. if I just pursue my Masters at local university”. To actually looking into her eyes, to actually feeling the painful and frustration about her could not  making her parents happy with her achievement, I smiled. Why? Because she has a very pure intention…she was infact came to a state of TAWAKKAL.. and leave it to Allah and redha with whatever Qada and Qadar for her.. and am happy to have such beautiful sister by my side.. and I hope I can be like her.. and yes Alhamdulillah she does not have to remind me of any good deeds as she herself is a reminder for me to reflect myself everyday and remember Allah Taalaa every second.

Your pain is worth it… and finally you got the scholarship .. in fact you are the only Malaysian to be the recipient of the scholarship. Alhamdulillah Allahuakbar….. true enough, The Great Things Come To Those Who Wait with patient.. and Allah heard the doa of those who Sabr..

Dear Sister,

It is nice to know you for 11 months at the office. I am so grateful to have you as my colleague, and sister and sahabah fidunnya wal akhirah. Allah sent you to me to remind me of myself back then… when I was looking for myself and His Love. And HE never wrong about me, that He sent you to me to “nudge” me , asking me to look for His love through another person and it happens to be you. Believe me, u come to my life at the very right time. And yes I learn a lot from you and from our sisterhood.

Allahuakbar.. seriously I never know how to describe in words the feeling of being grateful to have you and to know you. And today, is our last day to be as officemate. And I hope we will never forget our great moments .. laughs, jokes, smiles, cries..everything. and paling penting, every lesson of life we have learned together through out of office hours. You came because HE sent to me, you walk out of my life because of HIM, and with that, I m happy to be apart from you LILLAHITAALA. Why am happy? Because they said, if we meet and we separate for Allah Taala, insyaAllah, we will meet in HIS beautiful paradise, Jannatul Firdausi. Ameen

Don’t be afraid don’t be scared to be alone anywhere in this world. Because Allah Taala is always with you so long you have HIM in your heart. So long you never neglect you responsibility to Islam, His religion. I have been there sister. Feeling alone in such a strange place.. far away from family. No doubt we will be afraid.. but believe me that is normal, get a grip and be close to Allah Taala, recite His beautiful love letters.. and you will be just fine. Trust me!

With that , Good luck for your future undertakings. Send me Al-Fatihah to me if you miss me, insyaAllah u will get my reply J hahaha.. telepathy gitu .. ..:p Take care sister, may Allah protect and guide you in anything you do.



Your Sister.